The Archives

March 1st

Hello, Everyone,
I have been a busy girl, starting the year off by performing a new show at Catalina's Jazz Club in L.A.. I am now expanding my repertoire to include a few more living songwriters (surprise, surprise!) I have always been drawn to great lyrics, it just happens that most of the great lyricists wrote in the middle of the last century. But now it is my pleasure to include songs penned by the master poet Leonard Cohen, Albert Hammond, Stan Dunn, and Noa ( the wonderful singer/ songwriter from Isreal) in my repertoire. The Catalina's shows were great fun, and the highlight was when Michael McDonald showed up to sing "Traveler's Waltz" ( lyrics by me, music by him). He is planning to record it on his next CD. I guess I am really a songwriter myself now!

I will be performing in northern California at the end of the month, please see my calendar page for details! As usual, I will be accompanied by the great pianist John Boswell.

Here is a shot of John and I backstage at Catalina's:

Did I mention that I am opening for the amazing guitarist and five-time Grammy nominee Robben Ford (my husband) and fellow guitarist/ songwriter Jonathan McEuen?

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

PLEASE BE AWARE that hybrid cars pose a danger because they can move without making a sound. One was backing up in a parking spot next to where I was standing ( putting something in my back seat) and the driver didn't see me, and I didn't hear her car start. She nearly ran over my foot. Please be aware of this hazard. I yelled out when I saw the car moving out of the corner of my eye, but it was a close call.

This is an actual letter to a bank manager from an elderly customer.

Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check,addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows:


#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6.. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play forthe duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client

And remember: Don't make old People mad.We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.

I experienced an amazing healer recently. His name is Braco and he is from Croatia. He does not charge money, he is not a part of any particular religion, he does not advertise, and he does not speak publicly. He heals large groups of people at a time by "gazing" at them. ( I know it sounds unusual... but this is how he heals people!) My personal experience was that he is genuine and authentic, and I am certain that he helps a great many people on many different levels of healing. Braco is already famous in Europe, and the word is spreading in the US about his unique healing abilities. Seven thousand people in Munich attended his healing sessions yesterday, in fact.

"A human being is a part of a whole, called by us "universe", a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."

-Albert Einstein

"Buddha in Glory"
By Rainer Maria Rilke

Centre of all centres, core of cores,
almond self enclosed, and growing sweet -
all this universe, to the furthest stars
all beyond them, is your flesh, your fruit.

Now you feel how nothing clings to you;
your vast shell reaches into endless space,
and there the rich, thick fluids rise and flow.
Illuminated in your infinite peace,

a billion stars go spinning through the night,
blazing high above your head.
But in you is the presence
that will be, when all the stars are dead.

"We are unutterably alone essentially, especially in the things most intimate and most important."

- Rainer Maria Rilke

Thank you for reading my musings. May I wish you every happiness in the Year of the Rabbit.

Lots of love to All Y'all

Stop the words now.
Open the window in the center of
your chest,
and let the spirits fly in and out.


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